Anonymous wrote: So the guy I’ve been seeing for close to two years now just randomly woke up and decided to break up with me. Apparently, he’s been having feelings for another girl for almost 3 years and is “torn” between who he should choose. (But aren’t we already dating so you chose me?) However, I honestly think they’ve been having something going on between them for some time, and maybe he just decided it’s finally time to let me go, cause he seemed like he already made up his mind that we can’t be together by the time he was coming to tell me. This one hurts so bad because he was literally my first everything, but I wasn’t his so I don’t know how I’m supposed to get over him that easily. Lakini how do you just wake up one day and decide to end things? We’ve had no serious arguments during this period and I honestly thought things were going okay but alas! Anyways how do you guys get over breakups? What exactly should I be doing right now cause I’ve exhausted my tears?
A crying woman is on the phone, sitting on a cozy beige couch. She is clearly distressed and holding her head. Source: Getty Images Janet Awuor is a counselling psychologist and relationship coach . She is also a popular conference speaker within the local arena. Relationship expert and life coach Janet Awuor encouraged the lady to mourn the relationship but not to become a mourner. “First, let me make it clear that heartbreak is a type of loss and it is normal to experience all the emotions that you are going through. But do not let this pain be your identity, even though you should allow yourself to grieve this loss. Take one day at a time and do not forget that healing is a process and not a straight line,” she told TUKO.co.ke Adding: “It is time to take a more rational view of the relationship. Did you have any signs that you dismissed?
It is time to think about what you have learned from this experience. Make sure to have people in your life who are willing to listen to you, your friends, your family, or a counselor if you have one. It is at this stage that social support is very important.” She also encouraged the young lady not to follow her ex or compete with the other woman. “You will want to scroll through his social media or try to get more information about the other girl, but do not do it. It will only slow the healing process and fuel your self-doubts. Instead, the emphasis should be put on the process of self-identification without the partner. It is time to get back to your hobbies, passions, and dreams – it is time to fall in love with yourself again.” Is it important to write a closure letter to yourself? Janet also suggested the young woman to write a closure letter to herself even if she never intends to post it. “It is very therapeutic to write a letter to yourself and write all that you would like to say to him.
The emotions are not to be held back, the pain, the anger, the love, everything should be let out. Then, decide to let it go and reclaim your energy. It is important to remember that your worth does not diminish because someone did not acknowledge it.” Couple sitting on a couch, seemingly engaged in a heated argument. The man is turning away from her as if to block or dismiss the conversation.
Recovery is a process and every move is progress She concluded by telling her that recovery is a process and every move is progress. “Believe that time will make everything clear and calm even if it seems to be the opposite at the present moment. You deserve love – genuine, healthy love – and this heartbreak does not predict your future. The words of wisdom are: Keep moving forward, even if it is in baby steps.” Disclaimer: The advice provided in this article is should not be used to guide the readers in solving any issues in their relationships. They should always consult with professionals who would take into account their individual situations before coming up with any decision.
by Linda Amiani
