Christmas is finally here and it is a tradition that most Kenyans travel upcountry to celebrate this day with their loved ones.
Below are things Nairobians should keep in mind as they travel to Shagz
Chores are for everyone.
You might want to assume that house chores are not for you. You might be the person who expects your food to be served to you.Your water is to be warmed for you and everything else done but the reality of the matter is no one is coming to rescue you.
Standards wacha Kanairo
In the city, you might be used to setting standards.
But in Shagz, no one cares whether you are a baddie or not.
These are people who have seen you in nappies, they are probably the same people who will bury you in case you pass away so leave your standards behind.
There is no watching your diet in shagz
Most Nairobians are crazy about ensuring they eat a ‘balanced’ diet to maintain that weight.
Some carbs here, some proteins there, and a mix of Misheveve and mrenda.
The truth is that most of those things don’t matter in Shagz. You will constantly be fed on carbohydrates and excess starch and there is nothing you can do.
As for your waistline, it will be non-existent in Njaaaaaaanuary.
There is no escaping the ‘drunk uncle’
Every family has that one drunk uncle who is always nursing a hangover.
They might not look like they know anything but they are well informed that the area Chief.
So in case you want to know who your deadbeat father is, how about greasing the palms of that uncle?
There is a joke that ‘utamu ya ushago ni moshi and the ‘untidiness that comes with it’.
In case you have not been blessed enough to have a modernized shagz, worry not.
Here are more tips courtesy of The Designer on Facebook.
1. Kizungu miingi muache Nairobi or any Town you are coming from.
2. Hakuna kuona Tv asubuhi.
3. Hatuna kamba za kuanika Nguo anika kwa fence nanii!!
4. Muachane na remotes, tunawach local stations, mamboo ya series muache Nairobi.
5. Mkikuja na mbwa slayqueens uku..mjue hatulali na mbwa ndani ya nyumba ..kanalala nje na kina simba na tusker.
6. Mkuje na maids, hakuna kubeba mtoto wa mtu. 7.Hatuwachotei maji ya kuoga, kila mtu mtoni na kibuyu. 8.Mkujie watoto na toys ,sio kuja kutunyongea paka na vifaranga.
9. Huku akuna maji ya dispenser.
10. Hakuna kupoint kuku na Funguo za gari.
11. After kuoga pelekea mzazi sabuni aoshe vyombo.
12. Ladies mambo ya kusema sijui baba Brayo hapendi hii, sijui hapendi Misheveve… oooo..oooo…umemjua tu the other day..sisi tumemuona akiokota chakula na Maembe chini na hajai gonjeka. 13. Hakuna kupembeleza mtoto wa mtu akule akikataa tunakula. 14. Mkuje na slippers na charger.
15. Kuoga ni Monday, Wednesday na Sunday
16.On Sundays mkuwe mnabeba Bibles sio kutoa hizo masimu zenu kubwa kubwa Church.
17. Hakuna Kutupa ugali imelala hiyo ndio escort.
18. mjue hakuna pillow,huku unaekelea kichwa kwa mikono ukilala.
19. Hakuna kulala hadi 10:00am kuamka ni 6:00am kwenda kufagia nje na kukamua ngombe.
20. Huku Saizi tuko Hadi na Simu za Type C, Mi-Fi, power banks na earbuds mtafute vitisho zingine.
21. Na wenye hawajajenga ushago watalala kwa car hire zao.
by PENINAH NJOKI
