Q: I have been with my boyfriend for the last eight months in an on-and-off relationship. He does not seem committed. He does not support me in any way. When I decide to leave him I feel like I am okay and am ready for a new life, but after some days, I feel empty and longing for him. I text or just call him. I contact him, apologise for breaking up with him and I ask him to come back. Then after some time, we get into the same problem. What do I do?
A: After going through your letter, it is clear that you are in unhealthy relationship and it is unfortunate that you are trapped. Your boyfriend is uncommitted and he is already taking advantage of your love for him. He knows that even if you break up with him, you will apologise (as if you are the one who has erred) and beg him to come back. The sooner you make it final, the better for you to heal and move on. The longing after a breakup is quite normal, there is no way around it. And the pull is powerful. And when that longing pulls at your heart and tries to persuade you to contact him, you can recognise it for what it is and decide not to act on it. The desire to have him back may be tagging at you but the more you resist it, the more you will realise that it will eventually pass. Be patient with yourself and commit to tolerating your feelings rather than acting on them. I understand that it is easy to stay with your boyfriend as it gives temporary comfort but it is key to make a firm decision to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. Keep in mind that breaking up is never easy, and if you are unable to do it all at once, it means you are human. Cut yourself some slack and try again when you are ready. Eventually, you will succeed, and one day you will look back on this painful time from a happier, peaceful place. Wishing you success. BY DAILY NATION