The young ones need to see that you care about them. Your attention and feedback helps them judge how well they’re doing
Bringing up your children is the most important thing you’ll ever do. Because while becoming rich or famous feels good, setting your children off on the right path is your only real legacy. But in a busy adult life, it’s hard to remember what really matters to a child.
Like how important you are to them. You really are, but most children think that they don’t matter nearly as much to their parents, as their parents matter to them! That you’re always too busy to be with them. Your children don’t really need all the stuff they pester you for, but they do need you. They need to see that you care about them. Your attention and feedback helps them judge how well they’re doing. Their beliefs about their family define their outlook on life and that does more to determine their ultimate happiness than anything else.
So they need to know what’s important to you. Your values and beliefs. And that doesn’t come from what you tell them. Because children pay far more attention to what you do. Tell children to do something and they’ll resent it. And do just the opposite the moment your back’s turned. Yelling at a child to be quiet, for example, sends a complicated message about you, none of it flattering. But if you’re always polite and calm, then that’s the way your children will behave. Because young children copy the things their parents do. And those things are what become their values.
So, show them that you value education by taking an interest in their school work. And then they’ll study harder. You should also help them learn to make good choices. For example by encouraging them to do their homework before endlessly messaging their friends. Learning to make good choices as children will help them to make the really hard choices later that adults face.
And above all, be there! As Woody Allen famously said, ‘Ninety percent of success is showing up!’ He was right. So, turning up when you say you’re going to sends an important message to your family. It says you’re committed and conscientious. It says you mean what you say and that meeting your obligations is important.
Always do what you say you’re going to do. Your word is everything to your children. And to your spouse! None of your excuses will wash. The traffic, problems at work, whatever. Your family needs to be able to believe you. So if you say you’re going to be somewhere, be there. And bang on time. Because that tells your children that you’re conscientious and shows how important they are to you.
Your love and commitment is the biggest defence your children will ever have against our cruel world. It will protect them from drugs, mental illness or falling into a life of crime. Parenting seems complicated, but it isn’t really. You can reduce it to one simple rule. Just show up. BY DAILY NATION