Anonymous wrote: “I was in an extramarital relationship with one of my colleague 14 years junior to me. She got married 2 years back, and now she wants to continue extramarital with me. I was very happy, but a few weeks back she told me that her mother had a feeling for me. I was surprised. Today she is saying her mother has run away with their landlord. Incidentally, this landlord guy is my father-in-law’s friend. Now my junior is really interested in having relation with me. What should I do?” “I’m Having Extra Marital Affair with Colleague; Should I Leave My Hubby?” – Expert Advices A photo of a pensive man is used for illustration. Photo: Pheelings Media. Source: Getty Images Lillian Njiru is a certified relationship and marriage counsellor who helps individuals and couples navigate personal and professional challenges. Based in Nairobi, she offers online services in psychological assessment, personal and business change, leadership development, coaching and counselling. What advice does the counsellor have for the man? Relationship expert Lucy Gichuri talked to TUKO.co.ke to weigh in on the matter, emphasising the importance of communication in a marriage. Njiru noted that the man needs to consider his values, principles, and the potential consequences of his actions. According to her, he should consider what is important to him regarding relationships, trust, and personal integrity. “Open and honest communication is crucial. Have a candid conversation with your colleague about your feelings, concerns, and the implications of continuing the relationship. Discuss the potential impact on both of your lives, as well as on her family,” she said. Njiru pointed out that the man must also understand the potential consequences of continuing or ending the relationship. Avoid complex family dynamics This includes the impact on his marriage, family, and personal and professional life. “If her mother is involved in a separate situation, it’s essential to respect the privacy and boundaries of her family members. Getting involved in complex family dynamics can lead to more complications,” she pointed out. “Consider seeking advice from a trusted friend, family member, or counsellor. They can provide an external perspective and help you navigate through the complexities of the situation,” According to Njiru, the man should assess his priorities and what he wants in his life. Man to consider long-term implications He should consider the long-term implications of her decisions and how they align with your personal goals and values. “Be mindful of the potential professional consequences, especially if the relationship is within a workplace setting. Workplace relationships can have an impact on the working environment and professional reputation,” shed added. Njiru further advised the man to be aware of any legal implications that may arise, especially if there are workplace policies or legal considerations. Disclaimer: Advice given in this article is general and is not intended to influence readers’ decisions about solving marital problems. They should always seek professional advice that considers their circumstances before making a marriage decision.
by Linda Shiundu