Stop, think twice before going to your partner’s home for the festivities

 

Public service vehicles and airplane bookings continue to report full bookings over this 2023 Christmas holiday. Kenyans have already planned their travels across counties and countries.

Millions are looking forward to spending Christmas or New Year- or both- with their family and friends in far-off locations, while others intend on heading down to tourist locations to unwind.

Many people will be accompanying acquaintances to new locations to celebrate, and they include romantic partners.

As families tend to come together during this time in mass, some romantic partners are of the mind that this would be the opportune time to introduce their partner to the extended family without much planning, fuss and spending- but is this a really good idea?

For women, this would be the worst time to be introduced. Gender roles stereotypically expect women to be scurrying up and down, cooking, serving and cleaning where many people are gathered, and because she would want to be perceived as a good woman worthy of their son, she will find herself participating in meal preparation for the festive meals.

This is back-breaking work and because she does not want to lose favor with the family incase she will one day marry into the family, she will not complain but ‘slave around’ with a smile on her face.

For men, the inquisition at this time will be on steroids. Whereas the initial introductions are often planned for immediate family, having an entire clan present will put you on the hot seat with uncles thrice removed, older cousins of your partner, aunties who changed her diapers and grandmothers who still hold ‘stone age’ world views of what love and marriage should be about. The expectations placed on you will be pregnant with septuplets, and this may end up making you feel trapped and rethinking the relationship in the long run.

Additionally, where many people are gathered and a new partner is introduced, there is limited time for them to interact with who is most important to you. As the stress levels may be higher, chances of mistakes and saying the wrong thing to a relative are higher. This may make it easy for your new partner to be misunderstood and misjudged by one person who may end up influencing the entire clan against your partner.

You maybe should hold off on introducing your new partner until it is just your nuclear family first. Maybe at New Year’s breakfast? After the church service if you all attend church to usher in the New Year? Maybe wait until everyone is settled into the first week of the New Year and then introduce your partner?

In this way, you will protect your partner from many other people’s perceptions and give them the chance to put their best foot forward when interacting with your parents and siblings for the first time.

BY NAIROBI NEWS