How do I tell he is right for me?

 

Hi Chris,

I always look forward to a first date, but all too often it just leads to a relationship that is more trouble than it is worth. So how do I make first dates work better for me?

Better Dates

 Chris says,

Hi, Better Dates!

Start by not imagining that every man you meet might be your prince. You first need to weed out the frogs! Use the small talk to check him out before you go any further.

He should have a good job, be available, and have sensible interests and hobbies. Your focus should be on spotting the men who will eventually let you down, and not going out with them!

Continue that approach on your first dates. Enjoy every moment of course, but stay sharp. And if he shows the slightest hint of insecurity, neediness, or a weird personality, then let him go. Saying goodbye is easier the earlier you do it.

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And do not go kissing him too soon either, because that creates a bond that is deeper than logic. When you are trying to decide whether someone is right for you, it is best to stay rational. If he is easy to talk to, there is lots of smiling and laughter, good eye contact and it feels nice being close, then things are looking good.

But what if he is vague about what he is doing tomorrow? Or asks lots of personal questions but offers nothing in return? It is unlikely he will ever be honest enough to have a good relationship with you.

Is he nice to you but rude to doormen or waiters? Before long that is how he will be treating you. Eyeing up the girls around you? Imagine how he will be when you have been together for five years.

Drinks like a fish? Do not expect that to change. Always wanting to be the centre of attention? That can get annoying as the years go by.

If he genuinely likes you, he will soon fix another date, so do not hang around if he does not. And he should be the one to call. If he does not he is a wimp. Or worse. Better he is out of your life.

All the best,

Chris   BY THE STANDARD MEDIA