I don’t know who needs to hear this but nowadays I keep time. I’ve paused here to think back to the last time I didn’t keep time recently and I honestly can’t recall.
It was quite likely before this new government in office, back before when the price of fuel was less than Sh125, back when I could still carry both my babies with both my hands and walk with both my legs, that’s how far back it has been.
People who don’t arrive on time for their engagements will always blame everything and everyone else but themselves, even though no one cares for these excuses.
They’ll blame Nairobi traffic (yeah, as though you just moved here from Kaplong and you don’t know how chock-a-block our roads are).
They’ll blame their upbringing (your parents were accommodating, your home was not run like a military base blah blah blah, you’re still unlearning and re-parenting yourself).
Some blame KPLC (you couldn’t get ready and leave your house on time because it was too dark, the shower was too cold, your clothes looked like they’d been chewed by a cow).
Others blame the Chinese and Koreans (for building phones that can’t hold charge long enough for your morning alarm).
On and on it goes. Anywhere you look, you can find excuses for not keeping time. Me? I blame motherhood. Rather, new motherhood – I was never able to keep time before because I was a new mum.
But I don’t want to spill ink beating that old drum of new motherhood. If anything, I’ve had to go back and apologise to my younger self for being so cruel and uncompassionate about my poor timekeeping.
Get this: my business partner back then was an impatient person who’d wait only 15 minutes past the agreed meeting time and if I’d not arrived by then, they’d leave. ‘I’m not wasting my time waiting for people who cannot keep time.’
I wish that they too would apologise to the younger me.
Well, here we are now. A recovered repeat offender. I’m not showboating when I tell you that I’m triumphant for trumping this terrible habit of not keeping time. And because I’m a generous urbanite, I’ll let you in on the secrets of how you too can keep time:
You must sleep early. I’m like a dorm matron, I usually start herding the household to their bedrooms by 8pm and by 8.30.m, our house is as quiet as the black sea.
The only person I don’t matron is GB, our village chief. I’m an early bird, GB is a night owl – when we’re all shuteye in bed, can be firing his laptop or opening a book to put in plenty more productive hours until well past midnight. (The answer is yes, he keeps time.)
You must switch off your phone before you sleep. Having your phone on interrupts your sleep – an urgent life-changing alert will light it up in the middle of the night and you will scurry from my dreams to look into it.
If you happen to sleep late, after 10pm, because, you know, life happens, then sleep with your phone on and your alarm set to wreck your body clock with an early rise. Leave your phone face down as far away from you as you can.
You shouldn’t unpack your work bag, this is important. You can pack in more things but don’t unpack anything out. Leave it at the exact spot where you’ll find it in the morning. Don’t be the person who runs around bellowing, ‘Who moved my bloody cheese?’
As an urban girl, I spend a lot of time on personal grooming. Grooming my hair and face, drawing in my eyebrows and powdering my forehead, lipstick… too much time. The secret is to carry your hair and face paraphernalia then fix yourself up in the car.
The other secret is to not shower in the morning. Showering eats up a lot of precious prep time. Showering is overrated. Washing your face and brushing your teeth is enough. I usually shower before going to sleep at night, and I don’t sweat in my sleep, so this not-showering-in-the-morning tip works for me.
You must also prep your clothes the night before. When life happens and gets in the way, here’s the secret: You know those clothes you’ve worn once but they’re not dirty enough to go into the laundry basket and not clean enough to go back to the wardrobe? Have them on standby.
The final secret is to take a boda boda to your rendezvous. But then again, if you slept late and woke up unnaturally with your alarm, you haven’t showered or groomed your face and hair, you’re wearing half-unclean clothes then you show up in a boda boda, don’t blame me if your engagement goes south. Blame urbanity. BY DAILY NATION