A friend sent me a video in which a radio presenter extolled the virtues of parents of yesteryear. The presenter claimed ‘wahenga’ or previous generations of parents would insist that the children ate what was cooked for them.
Whereas parents of today will feed the child what he or she likes. There were many other anecdotes of what ‘wahenga’ parents would or wouldn’t allow.
To be honest, there are many places where yours truly is making my ancestors cringe due in part to my not so ‘wahenga-like’ parenting skills. Alas, I fear, it is too late to make amends. My offspring are all grown up and have strong views about how they will raise their children, when the time comes. “I won’t force them to choose a career. I just want them to be happy!” They tell me. Since there’s no way I’m allowing them to spoil my unborn grandchildren on my watch, I’m setting them right. “Whoa, now wait a minute! What if the goal of life isn’t happiness?”
“Then what it is?” I get a bewildered look.
“Maybe, just maybe, we are put on this planet, given a set of problems to solve and in the interim, we are allowed some pleasure and happiness together with sorrow and pain,” I muse philosophically.
Seriously though, this pursuit of happiness is not a great idea although it is a prevalent one. If the goal of life is happiness, what happens when we encounter difficulty, challenge, pain or grief as we most surely will? Should we not raise our children to expect challenges instead of an easy ride? Should we not tell our graduates as they head into the world, “now the hard work begins” instead of promising ‘they can be anything they want to be!”?
Human suffering is a part of life, and our best bet is to arm ourselves to face it when it comes knocking instead of imagining it never will. We suffer more when we believe that we were not meant to suffer at all. At that point, we become victims of our circumstances instead of conquering them.
My own suffering has taught me valuable albeit difficult lessons. When I look back, I’m occasionally glad I went through some challenging times. They built a muscle that ease and tranquillity never could. If we allow our pain or discomfort, it can teach us fortitude, resilience, grace and forgiveness.
Challenging times teach us something about ourselves, others and the world we live in. Apparently Albert Einstein concurs as he famously remarked, “adversity introduces a man to himself.” We never know how strong we are until we endure something.
Third, challenging times can lead to innovation by revealing another path to follow. While many businesses struggled and failed during the pandemic, many others were born because the entrepreneurs found ‘another way’.
Fourth, our challenging times can help us appreciate seasons of ease, relief and prosperity even more. It is human nature to take for granted what we have – and discomfort can restore our appreciation.
Our grandparents and parents had some things right. We do our children a disservice by making things easy for them or rushing to rescue them from the consequences of their behaviour.
Ultimately, the good life is not about avoiding what’s challenging or difficult, but embracing it, learning the lesson and not taking for granted happiness when it shows up. BY DAILY NATION