The Hustler Government is alarmed by the Supreme Court judgment that those who ascribe to certain sexual orientations also enjoy the freedom to associate. We wish to state categorically that when we asked hustlers to vote for us because ‘Freedom Is Here’, never did we clarify which freedoms had arrived, and those judges should have consulted us first before attempting to implement our party manifesto.
We wish to take this earliest opportunity to apologise to the Hustler Nation for misleading them into believing that Supreme Court judges are the best thing to have ever happened to Kenyans since the birth of Wafula Chebukati. We would have formed a Special Tribunal to look into the conduct of those judges, but they’re lucky we are not vindictive like our unworthy competitors who don’t believe in God.
We also wish to guide all hustlers who will be reciting the Apostles’ Creed in church tomorrow, to take precautions when it comes to renewing our belief that we were all created in the image of God. The Supreme Court judgment has made it impossible to believe that God intended for us to breathe the same natural air with members of the LGBTQ+ community.
Drastic resolutions
Before we make drastic resolutions on this critical matter of national security, we are asking all State House intercessors to justify why we should keep them on our social protection programme when all they keep telling the media is that members of the LGBTQ+ community are sinners, as if we haven’t read the Book of Romans 3:23: “All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.”
This crackdown on false prophets taking advantage of our love of God to sell us hot air is not going to end with the church. Like we told you during campaigns, we are men on a mission, and we won’t stop until we re-establish moral order in this country.
That is why anyone who has openly expressed support for the LGBTQ+ community must tell us why the hustler government shouldn’t establish the Office of the Moral Police to visit them at ungodly hours to help them launch a Bible Study Group. We cannot promise that we’ll not treat them like we’ve been doing with Dr Fred Matiang’i, because even the Lord knows there’s no medical school in Kiganjo.
Hustler movement
When we went to the polls six months ago, we were categorical that the hustler movement was the only solution to the reversal of the immorality that the country had witnessed since the handshake brothers took our country to the kennel.
It’s exactly six months since we put the Bible down at Kasarani and in that small period of time we have eliminated all forms of child prostitution, rescued all victims of early marriages, rounded up all those soliciting for sex on the streets, fired all lecturers hawking sex for grades, jailed all spouses beating their partners like drums, freed all who stole public money, returned all proceeds of crime back to their rightful owners, and are currently left with only one agenda; to let God focus on bringing us rain as we help Him judge members of the LGBTQ+ community.
We thank all MPs who have stood by the hustler government in this trying time when our competitors have ganged up with the Judiciary to undermine God.
Now that you’ve seen for yourself what spiritual battles we are up against, we hope MPs will all be with us when we bring a motion to the floor of the House making it compulsory for all government offices to be converted into prayer houses with immediate effect.
Together, let’s join hands and deliver this country from the powers of darkness, and show Kenya Power that with prayers all things are possible. BY DAILY NATION