Q: My marriage of 10 years is almost going under. My husband is intimately involved with another woman and this is driving me crazy. Sometimes when she calls him I pick up the phone and fight her making her know that she is dealing with a married man with children. I even call her through my number, but she does not stop. She is really bringing unhappiness to my marriage and is determined to ruin it. I am wondering what to do. My family is too young. Please help me, aunt.
A: Your marriage is going through a tough time and you seem to look at the other woman as being the responsible party in the affair. That is the reason why she has become the target of your rage and anger. On the contrary, infidelity in marriage is just a pointer of a marriage that is not working out. This means that your marriage could be having many other issues apart from your husband cheating on you. Blaming the other woman will keep you from taking responsibility for the problems in the marriage and your own feelings. How you handle the other woman in your man’s life will determine whether or not you end up in divorce or, are able to save your marriage. You state that you tried to ‘harass’ her in an effort to stop her from seeing your husband. Generally, it is not wise to do that because you will end up fighting so many women as you continue in the marriage. The circumstance that led your hubby to cheat on you is more important than the person your spouse is involved with. I, therefore, suggest you spend your time and energy focused on the problems in the marriage that led to an affair and finding a solution for those problems. This does not shift responsibility for your spouse’s affair. He decided to cheat on you and he should take this as his responsibility. Communication is a great way to handle the drift in your union. In an honest talk, air your feelings to your husband and do not hesitate to let him know how his infidelity is affecting you and the marriage. This will be the best time to talk about any piled unresolved issues however sensitive some of them might be. Hopefully, you will put the marriage first before yourselves. My best wishes. BY DAILY NATION