Do you sleep well? Never ever find yourself awake at 3am, worrying about your marriage, work or money? Not many of us are able to live completely at peace like that. Your friends probably envy your job, family and social life, but you feel something is missing. Most likely that’s because of some off-target ideas that modern society feeds us about what life should be like. And which destroy your peace of mind.
The first of these is that everyone has to accept you just the way you are. That you shouldn’t have to change for anyone else, not even your partner, for example. But that’s wrong. Because it implies that when things go wrong it’s up to someone else to put things right, rather than you being able to fix things yourself.
And anyway, the only thing you can really control is you. That doesn’t mean giving in and accepting whatever’s going wrong. Instead, it means thinking about how changing your behaviour might make things better. That puts you more in control of the situation. And feeling in control is the first step towards being at peace.
Messy
Endless organisations and groups also tell us that life should make sense. And if we would only look at things from their perspective, we’d feel fine. But life isn’t a movie, where everything’s neat and tidy by the end. Real life is messy and often makes no sense at all. And so you feel ill at ease.
So accept that life is messy! Things go wrong or break. It helps to put a greater sense of order into your life by deliberately completing a few tasks every day, especially stuff you tend to put off, like small repair jobs. The sense that things are gradually getting fixed is another step towards feeling at peace.
We’re also told that we should always be busy. Which is true in a way, because we do have to work hard to succeed in life. But set aside a few minutes each day for quietly doing ‘nothing,’ away from interruptions and the stresses of the day. Listen to music, read good fiction or just watch the birds.
Perfect
We also feel we must look perfect. And attempt to hold back the years with creams and plastic surgery. You should look after your health, of course. After that, it’s all a waste of time. Accept that you’ll grow older and enjoy each day as it comes.
The worst idea of all is that you won’t be happy until you’ve got your promotion, bought that phone, whatever. We all strive for stuff like that, but they never bring lasting satisfaction. After a moment’s pleasure, everything’s just as before. More money and possessions bring surprisingly little into our lives. It’s achieving your goals that brings satisfaction.
So put your energy into goals that are important and challenging. Whether excelling at your work, building your marriage, or helping your children succeed. And then you’ll feel at peace. BY DAILY NATION