I will never give up on my family, come rain or shine
A family photo hangs on one wall of the house. Ruth Wairimu looks at the photo with a fleeting smile, a tinge of nostalgia evident as she begins to speaks.
“Those were the good old days. As you can see, I’m the one in the picture with my two daughters and their father. This was long before we separated.”
Ruth lives with her children in a rented house in Mwihoko, Nairobi. She finally has enough courage to talk about the horrendous roller-coaster that has been her life’s journey.
“I met my ex-husband when I was about 28 years old. We got married and were blessed with a beautiful baby girl whom we named Emmah Wanjiku.”
Her ex-husband held a good job in Kajiado town. He was a loving man who made sure his family lacked nothing. Little Emmah was lavished with gifts and numerous family outings. Although Ruth did a few menial jobs, it was mostly to stay busy. Every day she counted her blessings, and top of that list was her wonderful family.
On the sixth year of her marriage, Ruth learnt she was expecting another child. This was an answered prayer and she excitedly shared the news with the ex-husband. He was beside himself with joy and supported her throughout the pregnancy.
Whereas this much-awaited bundle of joy stirred a lot of excitement in the family, Ruth had cause for alarm. At first, she kept these concerns to herself, not wanting to ruin her family’s joy.
“There were some backaches that felt a bit unusual compared to my first pregnancy. I went to hospital and got some medication. This happened a few times, then the pain escalated and I was admitted in hospital.”
At this point, the cat was out of the bag. They lived in a remote part of Rongai, Kajiado County, where she had limited access to health facilities. Ruth was therefore forced to stay with friends and family in the city whenever her appointments were due. Her ex-husband often accompanied her to the hospital, and when she got admitted, he took care of their daughter back at home.
Ruth Wairimu is a mother of two and a grandmother of three. Although life has thrown her many curve balls, her commitment to take care of her family remains unshaken.
Eventually, the time came for Ruth to deliver the baby. She was taken to Pumwani Maternity Hospital but failed to get medical assistance as the staff were on strike. A few days later, she was transferred to a mission hospital in Limuru. Here, the doctors realised she had a breech baby that could only be delivered through caesarean section.
The surgery was successful and Lucy Nyambura, Ruth’s second child, was born. There was an anomaly though, baby Lucy didn’t cry.
“When I woke up, they gave me my baby. They told me she didn’t cry at birth, but that was the least of my worries. I was glad my baby was alive. It had been a tough journey but we made it.”
The family welcomed baby Lucy with great joy, relieved that mother and child were safe and sound. Over the next three months, the family settled into their blissful routine. Ruth took care of the baby, big sister Emmah went to pre-school and daddy worked hard to fend for his now larger family. Everything was going well until an unexpected diagnosis upended Ruth’s life.
“At four months, I noticed Lucy was a bit slow in hitting developmental milestones. She was unable to hold up her head or kick her legs like most babies do at that age. We decided to take her to the hospital, and after some tests, my baby was diagnosed with autism and epilepsy.”
The news hit Ruth hard and her family harder. Her ex-husband, unable to cope with the news, sought solace in alcohol, and soon after, he was dismissed from work. The timing couldn’t have been worse, given that baby Lucy now needed consistent therapy sessions at Kenyatta National Hospital to stimulate her nerves. Indeed, when it rains, it pours.
“My ex-husband was no longer loving, and claimed that Lucy was not his daughter. Sometimes he came home drunk and turned our home into total chaos. Emmah could barely do her homework on such nights. He cursed me for bearing a ‘retard’.”
When Ruth’s ex-husband ran out of money, he began selling household items to support his drinking habits.
“He even sold the family’s cows and some pieces of land to get money for alcohol,” she says.
The final straw was when he brought another woman to their home and introduced her to Ruth as his second wife.
“That was my cue to leave. Our home had already become unbearable, I was struggling to keep Emmah in school due to lack of school fees. I wasn’t about to trade my dignity as well.”
In 1999, Ruth left her marriage with no material possessions. She took her two daughters, Emmah was 11, Lucy 5, and made a beeline for her mother’s home in Huruma, Nairobi. The plan was to was get a roof over her head for a few days and figure out the next move. They say that East or West, home is best, but for Ruth, this was not to be. She was shunned for leaving her matrimonial home, and they didn’t let her stay even for the night.
“Someone told me about Ebenezer Church in Dandora that offered shelter to the vulnerable. They took me in, and after telling them about Lucy’s condition, they took over the medical bills. Emmah was enrolled at a nearby school and once again, things began to look up.”
The church supported Ruth and her children for two years. During this time, Ruth did casual work around Dandora to supplement what she was receiving from the church. Lucy still attended therapy sessions, and in 2000, one of the doctors referred Ruth to Kenya Institute of Special Needs (KISE) which sent her to Nakuru Hill, a boarding primary school for children with special needs.
“I took Lucy to Nakuru in 2001. After the first term, I noted a huge improvement. She had learnt some basic skills, and this motivated me to work harder to keep her in school. By then, I had gotten a job as a sales person in a spare parts company in Dandora. Emmah sat for her Kenya Certificate of Primary Education exams, passed and joined secondary school.”
Ruth Wairimu and one of her daughters, Lucy Nyambura, who was diagnosed with epilepsy and autism in 1996.
In 2002, just when Ruth felt she had life figured out, her daughter Emmah, who was barely 15, got pregnant.
“She had just completed Form One and was home for the holidays. I sensed something was amiss and took her to the hospital. They told me she was due for delivery in two weeks. This news shattered me.”
Ruth quickly got over her shock and began setting things up for her grandchild. Emmah delivered a baby boy, Jeff Tuyonka, in 2002.
Back in Nakuru, Lucy was thriving. She stayed there for six years and learnt how to feed herself, change clothes, and would recognise her mum whenever she visited her at school.
“I never missed an opportunity to visit Lucy at school. Although she was not able to talk yet, I could see she was blossoming into a lovely girl. After 2006, I noticed my daughter was now outgrowing the school. They had done the best they could for her and it was time for me to take her to a different institution.”
Ruth had very resourceful friends, and one of them told her about a special needs school in Kathiani, Machakos County.
“Kathiani did my daughter a lot of good. The children learnt soft skills and handiwork such as tailoring. Although Lucy couldn’t master much, she was able to articulate a few words. For the first time ever, my daughter was actually speaking. There was a catch though — the words were in Kamba, so I didn’t understand a word she said.”
Ruth was happy nonetheless. Lucy’s words were music to her ears. Meanwhile, her grandson was growing into a healthy boy. Emmah turned out to be a wonderful mother, and for a brief moment, Ruth felt a glimpse of the family life they once shared years ago.
In 2009, however, she lost her job. The company she worked for was ran by a Nigerian businessmen who decided to close shop and return to his home country.
“Life was not giving me any breaks. It pained me a lot to remove Lucy from school as I could no longer afford school fees for her. When she returned home, there was no one to talk to her in Kamba and she lost her ability to speak.”
Once again, Ruth found herself looking for causal labour so as to fend for her family. She cleaned houses and did laundry from dawn to dusk. One of her clients was a friend from church. They were catching up one day when she asked Ruth if she would be willing to move to Lamu County.
“My friend had a piece of land in Lamu. She told me it was lying idle and wondered if I would like to give farming a try. I left Emmah in charge of Lucy and went to Mpeketoni. I loved the place and within a few months, I had managed to earn some income from growing maize. The following year, I returned to Nairobi for Lucy and my grandson and relocated to Lamu.”
Jeff was a big boy at this time, and was joining Class Two. He bonded well with Lucy and helped her do a few tasks around the house. Ruth describes their stay in Mpeketoni as one of their happiest years.
“I got a good school for Lucy and Jeff. After a short stay there, I was able to acquire land and built a semi-permanent house. I mostly grew maize, harvested great yields and was able to look after my child and grandchild.”
Fours year into their new life, Ruth’s joy was cut short in 2013 when tension rocked Mpeketoni area. She was displaced and forced to flee in the dead of the night.
“There was no time to grab anything. I was lucky to leave that place alive with my daughter and grandson. My pastor from Ebenezer Church sent me bus fare and we returned to Nairobi to start from scratch.”
When Ruth arrived in Nairobi, she looked for a rental house in Mwihoko area that was a bit quiet and conducive for Lucy.
“I didn’t want to be a burden to Emmah who had now gotten married. I found a house in a decent neighbourhood where I could easily find work as I took care of Lucy. She was totally dependent on me, and since I couldn’t afford hiring someone to look after her, I did my best to juggle taking care of her and finding laundry work.”
At the height of the Covid-19 pandemic last year, Ruth came across a local based organisation that supports people with epilepsy. A chance encounter, Ruth was looking for cleaning jobs when she saw a signpost bearing the name Kiserem Epilepsy Foundation.
Today, she is a registered member of the foundation run by Fred Kiserem who also has epilepsy.
“On days when I am unable to get work, I approach them and they give me money to buy Lucy’s medication which she must take every day. They also offer trainings on running small businesses to help members become financially independent. During the Covid-19 pandemic, when most people did not want strangers in their houses to clean or garden, they helped me a lot.”
Although life has dealt Ruth tough blows, her hope for a bright future, especially for her daughter Lucy, remains steadfast. To that end, she is pursuing government sponsorship to enrol Lucy in a special school. Over the years, Ruth has been deliberate to rekindle ties with her in-laws.
“Whenever I visit my in-laws, they receive me very well. They love Lucy and fully accept her as a member of the family. This makes me so grateful, my heart is content. Emmah got two more children, so our family is growing as well.”
To parents who are raising a child with special needs, Ruth has the following to say;
“Many mothers of children with special needs hide them for fear of ridicule from the society. When God gives you such a child, do your best to give them all the love and support they need. Do not give up on your child.” BY DAILY NATION
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