I felt guilty after aborting, but disclosing it to my mum has made it worse

 

Q: I’m a university student in my third year. During the second year, I got pregnant and I wasn’t ready for a baby. I also didn’t want my parents to know about it because they would have stopped paying my college fees and also they are strict Christians who cannot tolerate a baby out of wedlock. That’s when I decided to abort. After some weeks I started having a feeling of guilt in me.  My mother noted I had changed and when she asked me, I disclosed to her everything. She was shocked about it and since then our relationship with her is very distant. Now I feel left alone and I don’t know how to handle the situation. I feel guilty that I aborted and the fact that I disclosed it to my mother made it worse. Please help.

A: Thank you for your question. In most cases, negative reactions are experienced by every woman who has had an abortion.  This is often derived from the problem of denial and the repression of feelings. Your letter shows that two issues made you carry out an abortion; your education and fear of your parents. This could have been the wrong reasoning because in the case of your education you could have gotten the baby and gone back to school and as for the fear of your parents’ rejection, I sense they could have accepted you as you were. That is now water under the bridge and what you need right now is to handle the post-abortion issues.  The first thing you need to do is to accept that you terminated a life, take full responsibility for this and try as much as possible to forgive yourself. This will help deal with the guilt you are having and turn a new page in your life. Please note that staying in the cocoon will not solve the situation but it may cause depression which may be difficult to handle. Face the consequences of your actions head-on and start living again a fresh life.  Visiting a counselor will help you in this process. As for your mother’s distance, I suggest you gather the courage to have a deeper conversation. Let her know that she is justified to be angry with you; admit the responsibility for your actions and request her to forgive you and give you another chance to trust you again. Hopefully, your relationship will be restored. I wish you success.        BY DAILY NATION