Q: We have been in a relationship with my wife for six years and have been having issues for the better part of the year. We have a one and half-year-old daughter together. The biggest problem is whenever we have an issue it is difficult to solve it because she brings in issues that happened in the past. They make any discussion impossible. I don’t have a problem with solving issues personally. Last week I called her as I wanted us to discuss some issues and she couldn’t pick up my calls. In the evening she told me that I should stop disturbing her and that she wishes that I am dead. We are in a come-we-stay relationship, and when I asked her to move out of my house, she refused. What should I do? I’m in fear, I don’t want to lose my baby. Please advise.
A: There are many unresolved issues in your marriage that have not been dealt with and this could be the main cause of the drift you are experiencing in your relationship. I can also sense a lot of mistrust and hatred between you and your wife. The fact that your wife has refused to move from your house yet she doesn’t love you raises concern and should be handled with ultimate care. Also wishing you dead could indicate that she no longer loves you and she doesn’t care whether you are dead or alive. Now that you are still living together, I suggest you involve a family member or a mediator in your discussion. Get to know the bottom line of this marriage issue; find out exactly what went wrong. Please know that the past issues seem to resurface because they were never resolved well. Therefore, you should revisit all these unresolved issues, lay them bare and find an appropriate solution. You seem to be emotionally attached to this relationship, therefore, having a transparent discussion is important to dig deep on why your wife feels this way. After this talk, your wife should declare her stand whether she is ready to continue in this marriage or not. Continuing living together with you yet she doesn’t love you would only make things worse for both of you and the child. Evaluate whether the marriage is still viable. In case there will be a separation, please continue to cater to the upkeep of your child. All the best. BY DAILY NATION