Teach men the lyrics to a woman’s heart
He first contacted her through her inbox on a social media platform.
He sneaked in a shy greeting.
Hi.
Hello. She wrote back.
He went quiet for a week, then came back again.
Hi.
She ignored him, annoyed at his two-letter lazy writing.
Hi dear. He sneaked in again, to which she once again ignored. He became persistent and urgent, sending the Hi’s every other day. The more she ignored him, the more he sent them, then one day he sent her a sentence, a pathetic appeal.
Please respond.
She asked him what he wanted.
Just saying hi. He wrote back. She wrote back a hello, and he went quiet, once again for two weeks, then came back.
Hi dear.
He “ate” a block
She blocked him.
I imagine that it must be scary for a man to walk up to a woman that he likes and ask her out. First, she is likely to snob him or sneer at him and leave him feeling like a fly in her soup. It took Hubby four years of him gathering guts before he could ask me out to lunch, four years after he first got interested in me.
That, folks, is forty-eight months of coming up with a pick-up line! He should be grateful that a kiherehere guy had not come around by then, because in four years, he would have found us married with baby number three on the way.
But really, a guy, you have a woman responding to your first two-letter word, is it so hard to follow through with an actual sentence? You could start with a compliment, even if it is about her status update.
They say it takes a man to raise a man. Why are the men in the know not teaching the others about the lyrics to a woman’s heart?
Women find many ways and things to teach each other, and more so, our younger counterparts. Our nuggets of wisdom that we pass on range from sunscreen, Pilates, Kegels, skin care, nutrition to relating with men, what kind to date, which ones to avoid and who to take home to meet our dad.
Very competitive
But I have noticed that men are extremely competitive and mean to each other. They will not help a blubbering younger man even as he makes a fool of himself in front of a lass that he likes. If anything, a more experienced man, if his morals are like that of the legendary alley cat, will likely ‘slice’ the younger naïve man off the lass.
Earth is complex for a man who has not mastered the art of composing the lyrics to a woman’s heart. We used to call it, ‘tuning.’ I asked a young man what they call ‘tuning’ today, and he gave me a Swahili name that sounded naughty. Either he did not understand my question, or the art has truly died.
I think he saw my stunned look because I was thinking of my daughters and the kind of language these youngsters will be using, so he clarified and utilised a more palatable version.
“Kukatia dame.” He said, explaining that sometimes, just borrowing his parent’s ‘ride’ was enough to ‘katia dame’ with. Hopeless.
“What about if you see her online profile and you really want to get her attention?”
“Maybe I will say Hi.”
“I see.”
Things get worse in marriage, because the husbands seem to deliberately remember to forget the art of lyrics. I told Hubby that I would like it very much if he could tell me more of the sweet nothings as we enter our second decade of wedded bliss. Bliss is an exaggeration, but that’s beside the point.
“You want me to lie to you?” I counted to ten.
“No. But I want you to use sweet names in reference to me.”
“Will we think of school fees or sweet nothings?”
Gentlemen, a happy wife is a happy life, is not a myth. Learn the lyrics to your wife’s ears if you want to remain blissfully happy in your marriage. I can assure you; she will not protest too much if you refer to her as your Jaber, a girl baby, the dimple in my cheek, or something like that. No, Mama Watoto or the Madam of the house does not quite cut it. Be creative, borrow a leaf from our brothers in Nyanza, thank me later. BY DAILY NATION
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