My husband and I can't talk without arguing, I fear our marriage collapse

 

Q: Auntie, this is my fifth year in marriage and we have two children. We had a church wedding. Our problem is that we tend to argue a lot with my hubby. There is a project that I started and when I told him about it he protested. This led to arguments and I told him that I will go on with it, whether he agrees to it or not. We rarely sit and talk and when we do, we end up arguing. He complains that I hurt him from the way I talk to him. Please help me with the best way to communicate with him. This is really affecting my marriage, and I fear it might collapse. Please help auntie. 

A: Effective communication is what your marriage lacks. Your marriage could only be saved if you and your husband improve the ways you communicate with one another. You say you want your marriage to survive and therefore it is important to know how to make it work. First, before you start any conversation with your husband it is wise to test your words and check whether they are harsh. While doing this, you will be able to know and skip any word that could bring your dialogue to a halt. This simply means that you should be kind enough and do your best to put yourself in his position. This will prevent hurtful words which are often hard to take back. The time you communicate is also key. Avoid talks when you are angry. Note that good communication should be non-confrontational. When vexed, take time to cool down before initiating any dialogue. It is hard to be reasonable and rational when you are emotionally charged. Concerning your new project, it looks like you didn't involve your husband from the start and were just informing him about it. Bear in mind that communication should be mutual. I suggest you revisit the issue again having in mind that he is part of you and your children's life and good communication will be a breakthrough in your union.     BY DAILY NATION