Benson Kirobi: Are you my father? If you are, I’d like to meet you, get to know you
In September this year, Benson Kirobi’s elder brother, Fredrick Kirobi, pulled him aside at a car wash in Limuru Town. A few weeks before that, Fredrick had been consistently trying to schedule a meeting with his younger brother, however, that had proven difficult given their engaging jobs.
But Fredrick knew that it was necessary for his younger brother to know his family’s truth, as he called it, and pass down the joy that comes with facing one’s reality to him.
“When we finally met, Fredrick told he had very crucial information that he wanted me to know,” Benson says.
He was eager, maybe even anxious, to know what it was his brother could not tell him over the phone.
“He began by saying that family is important, and that everything that matters boils down to one’s roots. It was not like any kind of conversation we have ever had, which made me even more anxious,” Benson adds.
He and his elder brother, Fredrick, a taxi operator, had not been particularly close. Each was consumed with his work life, and they had lived for years as brothers who only met occasionally when the need arose. Besides, Benson was just finding his footing in the entrepreneurship world, having established an advertisement firm in June 2020. He was a busy man.
His brother finally stopped beating around the bush and told him what he had been yearning to.
“He said he knew who my biological father was, and that he was ready to lead me to him if I was ready to meet him. That announcement caught me off guard because in the 25 years I had lived, I thought I knew who my father and mother were,” Benson says.
His brother, oblivious of how Benson would receive the news, told it in snippets.
“It turned out that he and my mother had a meeting in my absence, in the meeting, it was concluded that I needed to know the truth.”
Benson was shocked, because all this while, he did not have the slightest hint that the man he thought all along was his biological father was in fact his foster father.
“Fredrick told me that from his conversation with our mum, he had gathered that my father’s name was Benson Obote. He and my mother had a short-lived relationship in 1994 during which I was conceived and born the following year in June, 1995. My father, who was in the army, left for a mission in Sierra Leone shortly thereafter, leaving my pregnant mum behind. My father never got in touch with my mother thereafter, and she never found out whether he made it back to the country after the mission or not. I was her memory of him, and she named me after him,” Benson says.
When in Primary School Benson, who grew up in Limuru, Kiambu County, says that his peers would tease him, saying that he didn’t resemble a Kikuyu.
“I have a dark complexion, unusually dark for a typical Kikuyu, so the other children in school would say that I didn’t look like any of them, but that did not elicit any suspicion about my heritage,” he says.
His father was loving, in fact, he was his best friend, and knowing that Benson loved bread, he always returned home with a loaf of bread in the evening.
“He loved me even more as I performed quite well in school - I graduated top of my class in Murengeti Primary School in 2010, and joined Njabini High School in Nyandarua County the following year. While there, no one knew me or where I came from or even my family, therefore there was no talk about my not looking like my trribesmen.”
He finished high school in 2014 and went on to join the University of Kabianga in Kericho County in September, 2015.
“Initially, I wanted to study Mass Communication, however, I ended up taking a course in Public Administration. I finished college in 2018 and begun looking for a job, but got internship with Homeboyz Radio in 2020 instead.”
It was while here that he started blogging. When his internship ended, he set up an advertising company, which he is now busy running.
“It has been a busy period for me, one that left little to no time for my brother and I to meet, that’s why, when he insisted on us meeting, I knew that he had something important to tell me,” he says.
After his brother broke the unexpected news, Benson was immediately overwhelmed with emotions, emotions that would assail you if you learnt that the man whom you had assumed was your father for 25 years was not your blood and flesh . He had no immediate response, he just stood, rooted on the spot.
“Fredrick then told him that one rainy night, a customer hailed his taxi and ask to be driven to Kinoo, in the outskirts of the city centre. My brother agreed to the request reluctantly given that the weather was bad and his destination was far off. While they were chatting, he learnt that his client was in the military. Fredrick, who by then knew the truth about my father, asked how he could find a relative in the army.”
The man advised him to visit the Department of Defense at Hurlingham, in Nairobi, and make an enquiry. Fredrick wanted to know whether Benson was ready to start looking for his biological father, after all, he knew where to start.
“I did not answer him, I couldn’t answer him. I was still in shock. I went home and thought about the conversation, which seemed unreal. I did not understand how everything I thought to be true was turning out to be untrue right before my eyes. I did not know how to immediately respond to the situation, or how to feel about it,” he remembers.
A few weeks after the meeting with his brother, Benson decided to ask his mother about his biological father.
“My mother was, and still is out of the country on work engagement. I could not immediately reach her on phone and decided to text her,” Benson says.
“I asked her who my father was, but she brushed me off by telling me outright that my father was the one who raised me. I did not know how to advance the conversation at that point. I was certain that she was oblivious of the fact that Fredrick had informed me about my biological father,” he adds.
After that conversation with his brother and mother, he found himself thinking about his childhood, recollecting his childhood memories, but he could not recall any moment where he came close to thinking that the man who raised him, who has since moved on to raise a different family, was indeed not his biological father. And never did he come across anything to suggest that his mother might have been involved with another man. There were no photographs, or notes, or anything to that effect that hinted a Benson Obote ever existed in his mother’s life. Benson was the only memory of his biological father that his mother had. And faced with that reality, he concluded that his mother was a secretive person, something Benson says he is at peace with.
“Much later, I sent a voice message to my mum explaining what I knew about my father, and indicated my intention to look for him. I requested her to confirm the actual name of my father, and eventually, she told me that he was Benson Obote.”
He begun to psychologically prepare to look for his father, and a month later, on October 31, he wrote a placard. The following day, on November 1, he went to the usually crowded ‘Archives’ in Nairobi’s city centre and stood for hours in the scorching sun holding the placard which read: LOOKING FOR MY DAD, BENSON OBOTE. DEAD OR ALIVE, followed by his phone number. He had taken the stride of faith and courage, and ready to start off the journey in pursuit of his birth father.
“Later that afternoon, I visited the Department of Defense at Hurlingham. I explained to the receptionist the reason I had gone there, but she told me that it was difficult to narrow down to one officer using only a name. I had to find a duty service number first to get help. I was heartbroken, sure that I was about to hit a dead end. I left, at a loss of how to proceed.
That evening, he received a call from a stranger, who informed him that his father too, had been stationed in Sierra Leone at around the same time that Benson’s father had been there. He said he could ask his father whether he had served with a man known as Benson Obote.
The stranger is yet to get back to him, but he is still hopeful of meeting his biological father, or, at least, finding out what happened to him. If he is alive, he hopes that soon, he will get an opportunity to meet him and introduce himself.
“I would like him to see the man he sired, a testimony that something good came out of his brief relationship with my mother. Sometimes I think of what it would be like to socialise with him, I look forward to recovering the time we have lost. I have shared my story in the hope that if he is alive, he will read this story and reach out to me,” Benson says.
He acknowledges that there are many Kenyans in a situation such as his, men and women looking for their parent, people seeking to reconnect with their roots, some have come forth to express their solidarity with him. “I would say to anyone who is looking for their parent to just go out there and do it. It does not matter if they will accept or reject you. Go with the aim of getting to know your truth, and knowing your roots.
Family is important, and regaining your sense of belonging is even crucial. I also hope that my pursuit of my father will be an inspiration to anyone that has been wondering whether to go searching or not. I don’t know about you, but I would rather know,” Benson concludes. BY DAILY NATION
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