The loneliness pandemic
There was an air of freedom in the streets. People could walk freely, shake hands, and chat animatedly. The interactions in public service vehicles, markets, workplaces, and social gatherings were jovial. Most businesses were manageable.
On most evenings, Kenyans could gather in clubs for Karaoke or even a good old cold beer. And even in the face of the rising cost of living, Kenyans could go to sleep in hope that tomorrow will be a better day.
But this was twenty months ago; before the deadliest pandemic since the 1918 and 1956 outbreaks.
As this disease has spread, it has accelerated a silent loneliness pandemic that has been creeping up in our lives in the last decades.
In Kenya, loneliness has been exacerbated by the Covid-19 pandemic. A recent report by Infotrak Research showed that Kenyans had become anxious, lonely, stressed, confused, angry, and helpless.
The research showed that 81 per cent of Kenyans were anxious and stressed over the pandemic, 61 per cent were feeling lonely, 52 per cent helpless while 33 per cent felt angry.
One of the deadly effects of loneliness in Kenya has been depression and suicide. In just three months to June 2021, data from the Directorate of Criminal Investigations shows that up to 483 people committed suicide in the country.
But experts observe that Covid-19 isolation has only speeded up an already growing loneliness pandemic in the population especially among the young.
"I don't have friends or a social circle and I don't see the need anymore," says Caroline Chepkemoi. The 39-year-old entrepreneur has resorted to relying on herself in the wake of what she sees as fake friendships and social circles that are founded on personal interests.
In early 2018, she went through a bitter divorce. By mid-2018 she lost her job as an assistant auditor at a Nairobi-based auditing firm. Without an income, she was kicked out of the three-bedroom house she had rented and moved to a single rental in Muthiga, Kiambu County.
Caroline sent word to her networks requesting for jobs to no avail. "I knew some of my friends had job openings at their workplaces. I reached out for help but all I got were good wishes and prayers," she says.
As her lifestyle deteriorated, her friends became evasive. "I became a problem to them. They cut me loose because I was a stain to their reputation and social status," she says. In April 2019, she got a job as an auditor with an NGO that focuses on environmental conservation. "My former friends got wind of the news. They started sending congratulatory messages. The phone that had been silent for months suddenly started ringing," she says.
But Caroline wanted nothing to do with anybody. In place of friendships and her extroverted nature, she has become accustomed to introversion. The ripple effect has been loneliness. "I like my peace. I know that I am on my own.
But this has been at a cost. I feel lonely. I had been married for 11 years and was used to companionship. This is no longer the case," she says. Caroline says that even though she feels lonely, her loneliness doesn't mean she wants her former mate or friends back. "Loneliness is a feature in my life that I have had to adapt to," she says.
In the face of loneliness, many people maintain friendships and family relations as a front to look normal in society. According to psychologist Ken Munyua, the loneliness pandemic is multifaceted. People who have previously offered dishonest kindness are bound to feel lonely when their turn to seek help comes.
At the same time, people who have cast themselves as indispensable at work or in social positions are being forced into a box of loneliness because coming out to say they lost their job or social position is too humiliating. Munyua also says that technology is at the heart of the loneliness pandemic.
"The advent of technology has fueled grievous antisocial behaviours. If you go to a hotel to socialise, everyone will be busy on their phones instead of chatting to the people they are with," he says. Munyua adds that technology and social media have cut off the old tradition of catching up with friends or relatives.
"A few years ago, people could travel miles to see each other. Today, a simple hello on social media, a zoom call or a WhatsApp video chat is all it takes to assume you have interacted and socialised," he says. It is also no longer rare to find people in family gatherings busy on their phones. This is echoed by Dorothy Mutisya. Over the past three years, she has not met any of her relatives and two-thirds of her friends physically. "I don't need to travel because I have a smartphone and the internet. If I want to see anyone in my contact list, I can simply do a video call and say whatever I want to say," she says.
The habit of exposing private issues on social media and the risk of getting exposed has further resulted in people keeping to themselves. "The number of people you can confide in is getting fewer. Many people are not sure if they will be trolled or experience hate when they share online. This is keeping people locked up in their lonely cocoons," says Munyua.
Joyce Ngaruchi has vowed that she will never share her personal issues with anyone. "I have been married for six years but I don't have children. I have been struggling to conceive since I got married. I confided on my struggles with a prayer partner who was my friend in church," she says. Within days, word had spread across church members that she was barren.
"I was shocked when I got a call from my pastor asking if I needed intercessory prayers. I felt ashamed, stigmatised, and embarrassed," she says. Although Joyce had told her relatives that she was childless by choice, word has since reached them that she is unable to conceive. "Now everyone in the family is sending me comforting messages. I wish I had kept to myself," she says.
It is not just Kenya that is struggling with loneliness. Across the world, loneliness has become more entrenched. In Europe, the US, and Canada, loneliness is one of the culture shocks that Kenyans moving abroad have to contend with. In the United Kingdom, loneliness has grown into such a major health concern that in January 2018, the government appointed a Minister for Loneliness.
This appointment followed a 2017 report on the state of loneliness that was published by the Jo Cox Commission on Loneliness. This report showed that up to nine million people were regularly or always feeling lonely. This study also established that up to 200,000 people went for a month without having any conversation with a friend or even family.
In Kenya, loneliness has been exacerbated by the Covid-19 pandemic, and as statistics show suicide rates have grown over the past few months signaling that more people are feeling isolated.
Experts describe loneliness as a lack of intimacy. It's a state where you feel known, have acquaintances but not deep friendships, which [means] your relations are the 'Hi, how you doing?' chit-chat, versus being in spaces where you are really seen and heard.
In the heels of the rise of superficiality in our bonds, is the economic upheaval that Covid has precipitated.
Among men, debts, job loss, and lack of basic income have been the fuel fanning the loneliness fire. According to author Silas Nyanchwani, the shame of losing a job has become worse for men. "Men are viewed from the lens of provision. When a man loses his job, he'll rarely want to disclose it to anyone. You only notice when he becomes evasive," he says.
Take Washington Ochieng who lost his job as a bank teller in October last year. "I am helplessly watching my life waste away," says the 36-year-old. Ochieng moved back home but loneliness has engulfed him.
"I have nothing. I feel shame at what my life has become," he says. To drown away his problems, Ochieng says that he has tried going to church in search of hope but the void has not left him. "I feel so lonely, alone, and abandoned. I lock myself at home," he says.
He is sailing in the same boat as Jane Munga, 38. Munga's jobless situation has been compounded by the loss of close relatives to Covid-19. "I lost my father to Covid-19 in July 2020. In February this year, I lost my auntie and a cousin to Covid-19," she says.
According to consultant psychiatrist Emily Koki, the impact of loneliness is accentuated by what appears to be a sense of helplessness. "Although humans are naturally social creatures, the world has been in such a rush that there is no more time for socialisation.
Everyone is so busy that people hardly know their neighbours," she says. The poor performances by the economy and the rising cost of living have also been factors. Emily says that if you asked for help today, the most likely answer you'd get is 'Aki ni kubaya; corona imeharibu uchumi kabisa!'" she says. "People have resigned to themselves because they feel that 'why ask for help when everyone will say they are equally struggling!'"
Before Covid-19, people could use their workplace, the daily commute, and the lunches as ventilation for their loneliness. But with the work from home policy, many people are in secluded rooms which may give birth to feelings of boredom, loneliness, anger, isolation, and frustration.
For Phanice Wanjala who describes herself as an extrovert, working from home has left her deflated and empty. "I no longer have a social life.
The past one and a half years have been my unhappiest. I feel like I am living in a box," says Phanice, a 38-year-old advocate who specialises in medical law. Phanice has also had to cut off her friends and in some cases relatives because she is at high risk of contracting Covid-19. "I am diabetic," she says.
To emerge from this pandemic, Munyua says that both the individual and the society will need to make deliberate decisions that will curtail loneliness.
"At a business level, there is a need to be radical and cut off accessories that foster loneliness, for example, taking down free Wifi in hotels. This will then need to be complemented by individual decisions to keep phones off during social meetings and family gatherings," he says.
Therapy is also a good step you can take if you're feeling lonely. "Find a professional who will keep your session private and confidential. Sometimes all we need is a genuine and non-judgmental listening ear to give us the strength to recover," he says.
One can also join a social group. "There are companies and groups that are hosting activities in different towns that are aimed at exploring new experiences and adventures. Find some of them and enroll for their weekend or monthly excursions," says Munyua.
While there are many ways to fill that void, experts agree on something: It starts with talking about it.
Tempering our talk of a reunion with vulnerability about loneliness could ensure that as we emerge from a pandemic, we emerge together.
Takeaway stats
Suicide Rates
- In just three months to June 2021, data from the Directorate of Criminal Investigations shows that up to 483 people committed suicide in the country.
- According to the Kenya National Bureau of Statistics Economic Survey 2020 report, there were only 196 reported cases of death by suicide in 2019
- The highest number of deaths by suicide was recorded in Kiambu County with 109 reported suicide cases.
- The lowest number of cases was recorded in the North Eastern region with only three cases.
- More men committed suicide than women
The state of the economy
Data from the Kenya National Bureau of Statistics shows that:
- Up to 1.7 million Kenyans lost their jobs in three months to June 2020.
- Number of people in employment fell to 15.87 million between April and end of June 2020 compared to 17.59 million the previous quarter.
- Kenya's economy contracted for the first time in almost 12 years in the second quarter of 2020. BY DAILY NATION
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