What I learnt from attending a school full of high achievers

 

Attending a national school is a thing of pride for many. Every primary school student wants to join these prestigious schools and many parents dream of the same for their children due to the facilities in those schools and the assurance of success. But, what happens when the best students compete against each other? How intense can such an environment be? What happens to the top students who fail to excel when they join national schools? These four lived through the pressures and privileges that come with attending national schools, and now share their experiences.

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Brenda Mbalanya, 26

When I gained admission to the Kenya High School, my parents were ecstatic. I literally became the talk of our town. The school had everything a young girl from Eastlands could wish for and much more. At the school, a spirit of excellence is inculcated in every student and many students got to forge lasting friendships. However, life there isn’t all rosy.

Most of my classmates came from Nairobi while the rest were selected from other parts of the country. Majority of students came from picture perfect families, but there were those who, like me, were coming from dysfunctional families. The latter group were still required to excel at all times.

If a teacher saw potential in you, they would push you hard to live fully up to it. There wasn’t really room for one to open up about their emotional or mental struggles. It was even worse if you didn’t have friends. Teachers were busy telling us to post good grades. I ended up looking for an escape for my issues even though I was just a teenager trying to understand the world around me. I tried as much as possible to downplay my problems, but that didn’t work.

I recall breaking down a lot while in school, and I was constantly unwell. My teachers misunderstood me and some would openly say that I was just pretending. When an adult judges you without empathy, the only thing you can do is perform well, even if it means leaving school a successful academic but broken individual. I got a straight A in KCSE.

At school, we had no option but to pass our exams. It took me a long while to appreciate failure as an opportunity for growth. In high school, failure was unacceptable.

I have come to understand that it is particularly hard for those who are naturally gifted or presumed to be intelligent, to accept defeat. From a conversation I once had with a friend, I realised that average students have a better capacity of bouncing back from failure than the so called high performers. As an A student, you tend to be complacent, believing that there is no longer any need to work hard because you already worked hard to get that A, and you can do it again. In case you fail, you may take a lot of time to recover.

I hope people will realise that at some point, grades won’t count for much. That there is so much unlearning to do out here and your certificate will only look pretty when you are before an interview panel or when applying for a scholarship. We should focus on the whole person – the mental, physical and the spiritual. Perhaps if we adopt that wholesome approach, we won’t have cases of children committing suicide just because they did not get the grade they wanted.

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Mumo Flossy Nzingo, 21
The joyful news of my admission to Mary Hill Girls High came accompanied by an unsettling fear since it was going to be my first time in a boarding school. My high school journey was a bit hard. I had trouble adjusting to almost everything – the early rising, the late nights, the Kiambu cold, the food, and the unavailability of the coastal snacks I was so accustomed to.

By midterm of the first year, I still had no new friends. I was scared of talking for fear that my accent would betray me. I decided to try speaking like my school mates, but this was nearly impossible. My cubemates helped me get over this fear and slowly, I began to open up to my classmates.

The pressure to perform well, both from home and at school, was immense. People kept telling me I was an A material and I should therefore produce all A’s. teachers used to compare our KCPE results with any current exam results. You could get into trouble if you posted anything short of an A if you came in from primary school with over 400 marks.

Additionally, the school would regularly invite motivational speakers and successful alumni. I always felt pressured to be as successful as they were after I completed high school. I used to get very disappointed when I didn’t get A’s. There was a lot of work to be completed within limited time and I rarely had enough time to rest.

I learnt that one has to be in a really good mental state to survive in a national school. You have to be ready to really give your all. I used to fall asleep immediately I got to bed. Every hour and minute was planned for. And then the doubts crept in. I started asking myself, “Am I doing enough? Will my teachers and parents be proud of me?” I never wanted to disappointed them. Each time I looked around, I could see fellow students hard at work, so I also had to get busy.

That experience significantly shaped my life. Now, I am used to working under pressure and can handle tight deadlines comfortably. I also learnt how to communicate respectfully, and to deliver on my responsibilities.

In campus, things are a bit relaxed. I am studying actuarial science and I still have to study long hours, but at least I get time to rest. I don’t feel pressured to perform by anyone. I put pressure on myself because no one is there to control me.

Sheldon Kahi, 21

Upon joining Alliance High School, I quickly learnt that I was among the very best. I came across obsessive bookworms and effortless geniuses alike. A common misconception of my alma mater is that every student is a bookworm. I wasn’t one. We had a life outside books. However, there was always external pressure. In Form Four, one of my teachers said that being number one in the country was our birthright.
Oddly, my deepest disappointments lay in the games my team lost. I played handball and rugby and the losses we took as a team stayed with me for weeks. I wouldn’t say I was misunderstood by my teachers, but I courted more trouble than necessary while in high school.

The most profound esson I learnt during my time at Alliance was how different people really are, and that with a little empathy I could understand them and myself better. This empathy has been really useful in my journey to become a professional psychologist. I do not ever want to go back to high school. Whereas adulting can sometimes be hard, it beats being a teenager any day.

Having been in such a prestigious school, I believe that success in life is a requirement, not a fanciful indulgence. Failure is a frightening thought, one I rarely entertain.
I don't expect the pressure on me to succeed to ever stop. There are times when I compared myself to my former classmates and felt inferior. But I have since understood that different people have different destinies.

I still feel a certain pressure to get things done but it's more internal and controlled. It is the kind of pressure that pushes you forward, not down. I have come to genuinely understanding myself and what I want. I don't compete with former high school classmates, except over FIFA games or a rugby match.

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John Mbugua,

Psychologist 

John Mbugua is a psychologist, career coach, trainer and mentor. He has a wide experience in youth issues ranging from mental health, HIV, gender based violence and sexual and reproductive health. He is also an Alliance High School alumnus.

What was your experience as a student in a national school?
I was named “John wa Alliance” at home and was accorded unnecessary respect. They kept saying that I should pursue medicine, law, engineering or architecture. This put me under constant pressure not to disappoint.

What can happen when high performing students fail in high school?
In psychology, there is what we call self-worth. This is how someone views themselves and in a way, it impacts on that person’s energy and focus in pursuing certain activities, including learning, concentration, achievements and competition. If one’s self worth is lowered by the inability to maintain high grades, their interest in studies goes down, concentration is lost and their capacity to compete favourably gets diminished. This, obviously, will lead to poor results, and may cause the individual to give up. This can result in indiscipline and inability to adhere to protocols. In the end, such people end up in drugs, repeating classes, dropping out or engaging in risky behaviour.

Many students in national schools are under pressure to perform. Did you ever experience this?
Societal expectations are constant, whether in school or out of it. Questions will arise even at university level if you don’t meet a certain threshold of performance. Even in the job market, the situation is the same. I once heard someone say in an interview even before I got in, “We have a national school material here, I don’t think other applicants will pass this interview.”

What is the best way to deal with such expectations?
Ignore them. Live your life and don’t lose focus on whatever you set your mind to achieve. Don’t set your goals too high. Make them SMART. Make going to a national school your pride and move on with grace without further baggage. Also, don’t try to live someone else’s life. Believe in yourself. Just like you were able to make it to the national school despite tough competition, proceed with that same determination and do what makes you happy. If you have challenges, seek a psychologist who will understand your situation and support you to get back on track as you continue pursuing your dreams.

What can be done to make the environment in these institutions more conducive?
There is need to understand students’ goals and aspirations. The students need constant mentorship to ensure they remain on track and talks on various key issues identified in the course of mentorship. There is also a need for psychologists to be employed in these institutions.

How can family members support their children in these institutions?
They should refrain from putting too many expectations on the students. Family members should give them talks on the opportunities available so that they can make informed choices. Additionally, let students go for their own dreams. Support them in accessing therapy if you notice a change in their behaviour or performance so that a psychologist can help identify the causative agent and help in refocusing the student.
Take them for career coaching to help them identify suitable careers. Remember, a career is a lifelong activity, so encourage them to pursue what makes them happy      BY DAILY NATION