I’ve been watching the Bill and Melinda Gates divorce discourse with great interest, and I’ve come to one solid conclusion: it’s ok to be a gold digger.
Or rather, it is ok to be what people mean when they say gold digger, i.e. a woman who is interested in money, for money’s sake. People say this like it is a bad thing, and it confuses me deeply. Isn’t everyone interested in money, for money’s sake? Isn’t that a great big part of the reason we put up with annoying bosses and unintelligent co-workers? Sure, it could be for the love of the job, but there’s also the undeniable ‘reward’ of the pay check at the end of the month. And that means you can ignore the tedious meetings that should have been emails because you know that this is part of the deal. This is what you signed up for.
We can all agree that money is great. It gives you choices and options and resources, and if you do it right, according to a slightly flawed capitalism gospel, you’ll never have to work for it again, as you’ll only be doing what you love. So why are the wives of these rich men always vilified, as if these pieces of paper are not something we all want?
I think there are a number of reasons, but I’ll speak on two. One, we really wish we could get married and get divorced and become billionaires, because that is the dream – to not have to work as much and get 100 times the return. Only, the problem with that statement is that marriage IS work. There is a significant amount of uncompensated labour – mental, emotional, psychological, manual, organisational – that goes into marriage, and so, it’s OK to split it in half when it’s over. Behind every mega-billionaire, there’s a support system of some kind.
Another reason people vilify these women is because society has made it look like money is not as important a factor when you’re getting married, as it is. Apparently, and this is what all the movies say, love is enough! Anyone who’s married will tell you that that in the middle of an argument when you want to walk out, love is not the thing that is making you stay. Just like billionaires, love needs a support system. And while people say the thing women are looking for is money, I would argue that a more accurate term would be security, or ambition. We don’t need you to have all the money in the world in hand, at the wedding, but we do need to see that you’re willing to do what needs to be done to get some of it. There needs to be a trajectory, some kind of plan, a reassurance that if we are committing to sharing a life with you, getting into the whole two-become-one arrangement, that I won’t be the only one making effort in it – in all ways, including financially.
It’s ok to look at your potential partner’s current wallet and spending habits, their financial personality, if you will, before you get with them. It’s OK to want to know about their loans, and what they do with their last 3K. It’s OK to care about, be interested in and want to plan for money. Because if these divorces are anything to go by, money isn’t buying anyone happiness, or keeping anyone together anyway. There is no formula. Choose what makes sense for you, and go with it. If money is important to you, that is if you are human! Be a gold digger. BY DAILY NATION