Why you always end up dating bad guys

 

Most men are actually quite nice, but it’s surprisingly easy to find yourself endlessly dating guys who’re just the opposite. No sooner does one horrible relationship end, than you find yourself in another. Somehow every man you meet seems to turn out abusive or unreliable.

So how come your world is so full of bad guys?

It might be because they’re exciting! And all through history women have preferred the tough guys, because they’re the ones who win. And they have tough sons, who’ll also be winners. But they’re also less likely to commit, more likely to be unfaithful, more likely to leave you, abandon their children, and to hit their partners.

Not all macho men are abusers though, and the odds against you meeting an endless series of bad guys just by chance are simply huge. So somehow you must be unconsciously choosing dates who will mistreat you. Though since all those choices are unconscious, you’ll be totally unaware of what’s going on.

And the reasons for your preferences probably go back a long way.

Because we all form a subconscious list of what we find attractive in a mate. But along with these visible features come less obvious characteristics that link back to the way your first lover treated you, and the way you related to your parents as a child.

So if you and your first love fought, you’ll find yourself choosing guys who fight with you. If your parents put you down, you’ll choose guys who make you feel small. If your parents neglected you, you’ll seek out men who neglect you too.

That sounds even a bit like you? Then you need to develop a different dating strategy. One that ensures you’re only dating the good guys in future!

College friends

That starts with only looking for dates through work, college, friends, or places you socialise regularly, so you already know something about them. And then checking them out, starting with your very first conversation! Just polite questions that establish their work, background, availability, what they like doing and so on.

And take control of your past. Work through your childhood thinking about anything that might be relevant to your dating pattern. And in future, avoid the sorts of guys you usually find attractive. You typically go for athletes? Next time choose a geek!

Get the idea? Dating is really all about dumping the bad guys, so you can concentrate on the good ones! So quickly get rid of anyone who shows any signs of insecurity, anger, infidelity and so on. Or anyone who doesn’t treat you right.

Or whose behaviour is in any way weird. Trust your instincts, and no second chances. Because if something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.

Don’t imagine you can change him. And don’t tell yourself you don’t mind what he gets up to. You will sooner or later.

Until, one day, you suddenly realise you’re dating a really good guy - and he loves you!   BY DAILY NATION