When mean Lena served us leaves, prayers and omena

 

When my colleague Lena led other teachers to refuse to eat the food that Fiolina and I  had provided, I believed she was just envious of the success and blessings that my family has encountered this season.

Little did we know that she was preparing for the week that she would be in charge of teachers’  lunch. But before we get busy with her lunch week, allow me to tell you something about her. When Lena joined our school, about four years ago,  she was a great teacher and an amazing human being.

She even became my friend. A year later, she joined a church that changed her life for the worse.  She stopped taking care of her hair, started wearing long dresses, and talking about her church leader, a prophet.

Every other month she would travel to Nairobi,  Kisumu or Nakuru to attend the prophet’s miracle revival rallies.
From last year, she started questioning many things — some food that we eat, and even things we teach that she considered ungodly. Every so often, she would go for even a week without talking to anyone.

Strange reasons

So when she  incited teachers against my meals, I knew that was just her usual strange seasons, and she would be back to normal soon. This did not stop me from giving teachers a great treat, which is still the talk of many staff rooms in Mwisho wa Lami and its environs.

If you can remember, we gave the teachers rice, waru and beef on Monday; while chicken and ugali was served on Tuesday. On Wednesday, we had rice, ndengu and chapati while Thursday was matumbo fry day. On Friday, Fiolina served nyama choma. Every meal was accompanied by soda, juice or fruits.

While I did not expect my colleagues to provide good food as I had done —  they are very mean even when they have money — I expected the next teacher to at least maintain some standards and give us decent meals.

So we all looked forward to Lena’s week. But when on Monday, at half past noon, there was no sign of anything cooking in the kitchen, I panicked a little, wondering if there would be any lunch. Everyone was in the staffroom at lunch time and Lena arrived from class, unworried.

“Hey teachers,” she started. “I know we are all hungry, but I am asking you not to worry, food is coming. Special food.” She went on “But before you get physical food, allow me to also give you food for your spiritual nourishment.”

Her sermon came from the verse where Jesus provided fish and bread to over five thousand people. “The Bible tells us not to be worried about simple things like food. To all those yawning, God will provide.”

As soon as she ended her sermon and prayers, I was relieved to see her house girl carrying a bucket, which she placed on the table and left. As expected, Alex was the first to go. He opened the bucket and served ugali and sukuma wiki. Mrs Atika, Nzomo and I followed suit. We had expected Lena to also serve the food, but she did not. “I am fasting this week, praying to God to protect us from this corona,” she said. “I hope you are enjoying the food. I know many of you like nyama, but it  is not good, you can get cancer. Please enjoy the meal.” There was nothing to enjoy.

The sukuma was flat and stale while  the ugali was not well cooked.
Come Tuesday, the house girl arrived a little earlier, and once again, Lena led us through worship.

“Today the mboga should be better than yesterday because I personally cooked it,” she said. “And I am sorry my girl used cooking fat yesterday. I only used milk to prepare this kunde.”
Mrs  Atika, who doesn’t like food cooked with fat, was excited and went first. A few of us followed. Alex and Kuya did not serve.
The food was terrible. The kunde tasted like dry sisal mixed with cypress leaves cooked in paraffin, while the ugali was as hard as a kaa ngumu.

Full plate

“Lena, it is possible to cook food without oil and still make it tasty,” said Mrs Atika as she returned her full plate. “You should have used our cook; she is so good and would have done a great job.” “You mean my food is not good?” She asked. “I can’t use the cook; I did not want my anointed food to be prepared on sufurias that handled Illuminati food.”

We did not need a calculator to know what type of food to expect on Wednesday. Religiously, her house girl brought the bucket, but that day, no one touched it. There was no one in the staffroom during lunchtime on Thursday, even Lena herself. People went to look for food elsewhere.

That evening, Lena wrote on our staffroom WhatsApp group that her fast had ended and that she planned to prepare for a feast on Friday to break her fast. She invited us all.

As soon as her house girl arrived at 12.30, it was clear to everyone what she was carrying. The amazing aroma of omena hit our nostrils , making it difficult to teach. We were all in the staffroom long before 1pm.

The ugali was well cooked and the omena was super-delicious. But there was one problem. It was too little; I think every teacher just got five full omenas, not enough even for a kitten!

Lena declared that she had delivered great food that week, and that she not only fed our bodies and spirits, but also gave us lots of food for thought! “And a few of you learnt how to fast. I hope the next teacher will do as good a job as I did, if not better!”  BY DAILY NATION