Relationship: Want to rekindle an old flame? When it is okay to get back with your ex

 

Completely shutting the imaginary grill door with a gigantic padlock and throwing the key to God knows where was always what I heard you should do after a breakup. Word is it’s always a bad idea to rekindle a love gone south. 

But for some couples, a break (or two) is exactly what their relationship needed to succeed.

There are a number of celebrities that got back with their exes and are living their happily ever after.  Think Prince William and Cate Middleton, Chrissy Teigen and John Legend or recently rappers Cardi B and Offset. 

Again, reconciling with an old flame isn't for everyone. Some stars who gave their relationship a second chance didn't end up with a happily-ever-after, and that's okay.

However, a break up can be a wakeup call to realise how special someone is and how they are the missing puzzle in your life, they do say ‘you do not know what you have till it’s gone”

I sought the opinion of three women – considering we have the upper hand on deciding whether a relationship gets to have a second chance – to find out if am a lone wolf on this perception.

1. Liz Gitau, 25, poet

What is your opinion about getting back with an ex?

 It is not the craziest idea. If history is anything to go by, some crazy ideas have borne unbelievably fruitful results, while others, well, they should have just remained as ideas. I believe the reasons for breaking up should heavily inform the decision to get back together, since some personal characteristics are intrinsic and can’t be gotten rid of, especially for abusive relationships. 

Liz Gitau, 25yrs, poet . PHOTO | POOL

Have you ever gotten back with an ex? 

No 

What factors would make getting back with an ex a terrible idea?

 Loneliness, maybe age catching up and you start getting stank eyes or even ‘history’, or the desire for familiarity, or a longing of what used to be. 

What signs or factors would make getting back together with an ex a good idea?

Mutual desire to reconnect, and in cases of a long time spent apart, signs of positive personal growth and proof of self-improvement.

What do you think it takes for a relationship to work the second time? 

Love, I’d say lays a strong foundation upon which one is willing to work through the things that broke them up in the first place, be it through counselling or establishing open lines of communication.

Rate out of ten, the possibility of a relationship with an ex working out and leading to marriage

Four out of 10. 

1. Agnes Kimaru, 25, Customer care representative

   

   Agnes Kimaru, 25yrs, Customer care representative. PHOTO | POOL

   
   

   
   

What is your opinion about getting back with an ex? 

I'm not a believer in getting back with exes. That lost flame just can't be rekindled.

Have you ever gotten back with an ex? 

Nope, never happened. 

What signs or factors would make getting back with an ex a terrible idea?

If the relationship was toxic or abusive, if cheating was the reason for breakup (a leopard never changes its spots), and If trust was an issue.

What signs or factors would make getting back with an ex a good idea?

If the breakup wasn't really caused by lack of love, trust or communication, or If circumstances like distance was the reason.

What do you think it takes for a relationship to work the second time?

There has to be more commitment, trust, better communication and making twice the effort to fix what wasn't working before.

Rate out of 10, the possibility of a relationship with an ex working out and leading to marriage?

If the reason for a breakup was because the relationship was toxic, one out of 10.

If other circumstances forced you to break up, then I would give an eight of 10. 

1. Mercy Mwende Mutuku, 25, Make-up artist

   

   Mercy Mwende Mutuku, 25yrs, Make-up artist. PHOTO | POOL

   
   

   
   

What is your opinion about getting back with an ex?

The important question in such a scenario is, why did the relationship end? Did you mutually agree to end it because the relationship was not working? If so, look back and try to recall what made the relationship so difficult and evaluate if resolve is a possibility. If it's something that can be fixed and you both are willing to try again you can go on. If not, it's time to move on with your life.

                                              

What signs or factors would make getting back with an ex a terrible idea? 

If you have differences that cannot be resolved, if either of you has ever cheated and neither of you can fully trust, respect or believe the other, if there has ever been any form abuse – emotionally, physically or mentally-  do not try the relationship again. Sometimes damages can be too great and it's best to start a fresh.

What signs or factors would make getting back with an ex not a bad idea?

When both of you have achieved emotional maturity to understand why the break up occurred.  This includes having self-respect, respect for your partner and being honest about why it didn't work so you can figure out how to make it work. 

What do you think it takes for a relationship to work the second time?

If you mutually agree to give it a second chance and work on the problems that led to the breakup. 

Rate out of 10, the possibility of a relationship with an ex working out and leading to marriage?

I'd give it an average score of five, because it depends on several factors.  BY DAILY NATION