I am stuck in a love triangle

 

Hello, I have been in a relationship for eight months with an amazing lady let's call her Tatiana. I love her so much. However, recently I got involved with another lady, let's call her Kisha, who loved me and was going through a rough time due to a past break. I wanted to make a difference in Kisha's life so I got involved with her out of pity for she was depressed. I tried loving Kisha as best as I could and this changed her life a little bit. However, I started feeling guilty as I hadn't ended my relationship with Tatiana. Kisha was obsessed with getting a child which I wasn't comfortable with as I had not yet established me so I declined and I started pulling back which she noticed and started asking why. Also, I couldn't continue lying to Tatiana. Kisha has an emotional problem and she's irrational and I didn't think about that when ending the relationship. I was hoping we could become friends and help each other grow. However, Kisha went on a drinking spree and got intimate with a stranger, and got pregnant. I still care about her and want the best for her. Am I to blame for her predicament? Please advise.

Willoice

So you were with her because of her depression and not love. You sound like you too were depressed. You are not entirely to blame for her predicament; she engaged in sex under the pretext of alcohol and conceived. One thing you must not forget is that you got her already depressed, nursed her, and consequently fell in love which are behaviours of a poor counselor. How can you be responsible for her actions? You need to decide on what you want. Your indecisiveness will cost you, brother. Platonic friendship is only beneficial to those who have boundaries. Again, do not start what you know not of its end.

Ouma Ragumo – Sifuyo

It looks like you only wanted to offer the second woman your manhood and not the kind of support she needed. Your partial commitment to your true girlfriend is going to cost you. You still have a chance to evaluate yourself and get to understand what kind of relationship you want. The world is open for any type of relationship you desire—be it for fun or commitment.

Juma Felix

Kisha needed emotional healing and not a romantic one. As such, you erred since you gave your heart to her yet you knew very well you loved Tatiana. Your love for Tatiana was young hence not fully consolidated yet you started falling for someone else. When you advise someone let it be on a limited scale and with caution.

James Gitonga

It is only natural as a sober human being that you are empathetic. You got involved in Kisha's emotional turmoil after her break up and instead of providing the right emotional and psychological support, you cooked up feelings that trapped you to her while you were engaged to another person. She on the other hand received the wrong signal and interpreted it to mean you would offer love and affection. You need to understand that her getting pregnant is not your fault. What she needs, is the right support to accept her situation and move on. Meanwhile, you can't afford to hurt your commitment to Tatiana, if you are both genuinely in love.

Francis Muriuki

Unfortunately, you took advantage of a sick person to meet your sexual desires in the name of pity. Now she is more depressed because of the false hopes you gave her. You are therefore partially to blame for the turn of events. The best you can do is to help her seek professional help before it's too late. Once she's back on her feet, she will be able to take care of her child.

John Wambugu

I wonder why you should get involved in a love triangle with innocent women knowing very well you don't have a future with them. You are to blame. When ladies love, they do it wholeheartedly. If you knew you had Tatiana, you shouldn't have engaged the soul of Kisha. It may haunt you forever.

Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Botwa, Kitale

EXPERT TAKE

Your only issue is that you got involved with Kisha for the wrong reasons. As much as you say you wanted to help her, your attraction towards her was fueled by the power you gained over her and I guess when the dust settled you decided to terminate your relations. Her eventual action to sleep with another man was a choice she made. That was not in your control or of your doing. If you wanted to help her, you should not have gotten involved emotionally and intimately. If you still want to help her, it is better to establish her core issue(s) and help or get her professional help.

Maurice Matheka, Relationship Counsellor

NEXT WEEK'S DILEMMA

Hello, I have been in love for the last two years. The girl I am dating is currently staying at her aunt's home awaiting to join college next month. She is 22, but being too close to her aunt she is denied the freedom to even meet me. The aunt is probably worried that she may choose marriage over the school, yet I respect the idea of her going to college and getting married after. She has even denied her freedom to rent her own room when she joins college since the school is next door. The girl loves me but we are both in a dilemma as to what to do. Kindly advise.

James