One of the things I don’t care for is dressing. Clothes don’t do much for me.
Clothes are things I put on so that society won’t chase me away. Clothes work to hide my flabby belly and thighs from the stares of strangers.
Clothes serve the functional purpose of keeping the warm parts warm and other parts hanging loose and free. Let me put this into context.
My ex was interviewed by The Daily Nation for Valentine’s Day feature on the first time she met me. Let me quote her verbatim.
“My initial impression of him was, ‘No thanks. I’ll pass.’ A good sense of style is important to me and he is the kind who shops once in three years. The man doesn’t care for clothing at all. On this particular day, he had on jeans in a style I hadn’t encountered since the nineties, a t-shirt and converse shoes.”
Then she goes further and says that I looked like a homeless gay man. Ouch! No wonder she is now in the past! A story for another day.
SOCIAL SCENE
This is my caveat — I’m the last person who should comment on anyone’s dressing.
But then a story on dressing happens. To be precise male-dressing in the Nairobi social scene. Here goes.
Twitter is ablaze when this high-end club in Westlands is accused of kicking out men for ‘inappropriate dressing’. So what’s inappropriate dressing, you ask?
The tweet was started by this man who complained of being forced to leave his hoodie at the entrance with the bouncers.
Other stories emerged of people being turned away if they came adorned in shorts or open shoes. The jury was out there, with arguments and counter-arguments on whether this club had a right to do so.
The club social media manager, presumably the owner, because they handle the social media responses with the grace of a Mbukinya driver, went ahead to tell those displeased to go elsewhere and mocked many more.
LACK OF STYLE
In a real sense, I was amused. First, I will not go to an establishment that dictates my style sense. Then perhaps I reason I am not the target audience of such a joint.
I do not harbour an ounce of coolness. The only fancy thing about me is the fact that I prefer to spell the bourgeoisie in full but other than that I’m a simple man.
If you asked me to leave your premises to go change, the only thing I’ll switch will be where I’ll spend my money.
What I am trying to say is that I am highly unlikely to find myself in a position where I’m trying to convince someone to take my hard-earned money.
I keep on seeing complaints by women that the Kenyan man doesn’t dress up and doesn’t care to put in any effort.
It’s so hilarious to see women who have ashier than war-ready un-moisturised elbows protesting on men’s lack of style.
Do Kenyan men do the bare minimum when it comes to dressing? Admittedly, yes.
DRESS FOR COMFORT
I was at this popular middle-class joint a few weeks back and the table next to me had six men, all with checked shorts and Cheers Baba jackets, all presumably ready to drive to Naivasha afterward.
Or ready to shoot a low budget hip-hop video, I thought. The women I was with ranted all night about the fact that the quality of men in the bar wasn’t what they had dressed up for.
I didn’t get what their problem was as there was no motivation for the men to change the formula of their dressing as it worked.
Whether they changed or not, they will still get access to the same ladies at the club at the end of the night anyway. So what sense does it make?
Can I say this, dear ladies? Men dress for comfort and I can’t stress how important this is for their happiness.
When stories are told of African men in the future, Kenyan men will be peeping through their windows in their sandals, checked shorts and polo shirts.
Congolese men will lead the way on matters fashion, with the Nigerian men from Kasarani following closely.
AVOID UNDUE PRESSURE
My parting short though is you should go where you are wanted and loved.
There are clubs just as decent as the ones kicking you out which don’t mind you looking homeless; you know even when you are carrying the spare parts your mechanic said you needed to avoid being conned for the 10th time.
Dress up if you want to, but if you have better things to do with your time, don’t let the internet pressurise you or anyone tell you how to dress. Dress for yourself.